I’ve been noticing a curious topic come up in different conversations and scenarios in the past weeks with friends and various people that I felt the urge to express a thought.
The topic/question was –
What is your status?
What is the real question here, and what does this even mean?
Before answering, lets define –
is the position of affairs at a particular time.
Ok, so what position are we referring to here exactly? If this were directed to me, are we asking about:
My relationship status? Which relationship?
My relationship to you? To them? To him? To myself?
My relationship to life perhaps —?
This would seem the most appropriate to address I suppose.
I am alive. That is my status.
I am living.
I am breathing.
I am happy.
I am still.
I am moving.
I am experiencing.
I am falling.
I am getting up.
I am feeling. All the time.
All the feelings.
The fun ones. The uncomfortable ones. The confusing ones. The sexy ones. The ones I post about. The ones people keep in the dark. They’re all here.
A colorful merry-go-round lets say.
Is this answer satisfying though?
People seem to be so focused or concerned with this idea of a having a ‘status’ or not nowadays that they forget to bring attention to what it even means to so instantly define.
For example, please select one of the following:
- In a relationship
- It’s complicated
If you selected any of the first three, I would say you didn’t give much thought to this.
Per the dictionary (and those that indeed took some time to think these through);
1.Only one, not one of several
2. an individual person or thing rather than part of a pair or a group.
1. the state of being related or interrelated.
1. consisting of many interconnecting parts or elements; intricate, more difficult
Lets play with this for a moment.
Off the bat – looking at all of these definitions – I would almost dare say I am all of them and none of them at the same time.
I’m definitely, only one, not one of several. Always in a state of being interrelated. Usually consisting of interconnecting parts or elements, no doubt.
But now, don’t get me wrong. I am not dismissing the beauty of a partnership in which one would acknowledge they are in a loving, reciprocal and intimate relationship with another person. I am just saying that if that is not the case – my state of being isn’t “singular” or not relating to any others either.
And using the term complicated to define any part of myself or any of my experiences, just carries such a heavy negative connotation that I would never even entertain it in the description of my relations, especially referring to friends or lovers.
Those experiences and states of being just are. They are different. Different from the common boxes that have been outlined for us to select from.
What if instead, the multiple choice selection looked something like:
- Practicing Intimacy
- Loving one
- Loving many
- Loving all
- Loving myself
- Loving. Period.
There’s no real answer guys. Only you know what feels right for you and what can begin to define your everyday experience, your states of being, your position of ‘affairs’ or events.
It’s probably also the most genuine way to connect to another; evaluating first how you see yourself in all of this and identifying what you really value and seek to have in common with someone else.
And before checking off any boxes, ask yourself instead –
What are you not willing to compromise when entertaining a new experience (person, event, ‘affair’); and for how long will you lower any standards (values) you’ve worked on and kept true just for the sake of this experience – before allowing a better one to enter and learning to let go?